Shards
by Magdalena
Summary: Scully is getting married to someone other than Mulder and Mulder is in depression. Character Death Warning.


Title: Shards  
Disclaimer: I don't own any pre-copyrighted items.  
  
  
  
Mulder POV:  
  
I saw her today. Like everyday, only this was different. She was with him. The man that in 2 days she'll shatter my heart with. Him and two words, through everything that has come close to killing me, everything that I've looked in the face, that's what is going to kill me.  
  
Unless I'm already dead.   
  
So here I am. Alone. Here with my broken heart. Doctors mend broken bones, but who fixes broken hearts? No one is that brilliant.   
  
I was married to my work until I met her. I felt something for her for so many years and I thought it was just my concern for her. Her, the only one who understood me. But, I never saw it until she told me: She had met someone. I shrugged it off, like nothing. But the more I thought about it the more I felt: someone else with Scully, loving her.... then it came. I loved her. I loved her and was too ignorant to notice. But who's to say even if I had I would I have strength to tell her?   
  
Now I'm stuck. I have no chance, no escape. She's pulled me in and it's like the earth's gravity after you fall from a tree. Never letting you go. Trapped on earth and I just missed the last flight off.   
  
We have delusions, our minds made up for us. We have to believe in something, so we do. I believed in paranormal. The strange, unknown. I believed too much and it blinded me. I never saw what was in front of me, life. Love.   
  
So, as I stand here, thinking all these tormented thoughts you wonder why I don't end it all. I will.   
  
The gun is cold in my sweaty hands, sending a chill throughout my body. I lift it, to my head. Guns really don't kill people, bombs don't kill people, not even grenades kill people. People kill people. I'm going to kill.  
  
Myself.   
  
It's heavy in my hand, giving me a feeling to want to let go and drop it, but no. It has to end now. It's pressed against my temple. The cold metal. It's not your fault, Scully. It never was. I was just to stupid...I'm sorry.....  
  
  
2 Weeks Before…  
  
I was sitting in my office, typing a stupid case expense report. Paper work sucks, but someone has to do it, right? I always wonder why that someone had to be me.  
  
Scully was out, somewhere with Brent. Brent the perfect, loving, sweet, boyfriend. I hated his guts. I cared for Scully and I didn't trust this Brent. I didn't exactly trust my own grandparents, but that's just because of who I am.   
  
Brent was tall, about my height, brown hair like mine, hazel eyes like mine, in fact he was a lot like me. Other than the fact that he had a life and would never shut up even if he was offered a million dollars. He was an English major. The bookish type, thought brilliant by colleagues.   
  
What did he have that I didn't?   
  
I sized him up and he's just a nice looking cocky bastard. It was a matter of time before his past caught up with him and shattered his life. Then would he be so cocky?   
  
Or was I the bastard? So sure of myself that I'm missing what's here? I guess so. But that doesn't mean he's not a bastard, too. See? He has nothing I don't have. Maybe Scully has a thing for bastards.  
  
She would have fallen for me years ago if that was the case.   
  
I noticed I had stopped typing. Thinking, good for the body, death to the soul.   
  
" Mulder?" I jumped at the sound of Scully's voice. It sounded happy.   
  
" Hi, Scully. Just sitting in here typing up a case report, alone, lonely..." I flashed her a smile to show I was showing fake self-pity.   
  
" Sorry, but Brent told me he had to tell me something. Well, ask me something." She gave me a serious look that made me stop smiling. Something had happened.  
  
" What did he ask you?" I knew I was about to feel a brick in the face, either from my life being shattered beyond repair, or Scully's life being shattered beyond repair, leaving me to pick up the pieces.  
  
" Brent proposed." She held out a large diamond ring, on her finger.  
  
My world fell apart.   
  
  
1 Week Later...  
  
Scully was transferred today. Her and Brent are moving to England. For his job, his life. What about Scully's? She had told me and sugarcoated Brent's constant absence. He was in England talking business while she was at home getting ready for a wedding that was to take place in less than a week.  
  
I told you he was a bastard.   
  
" Scully, England?" I was frowning. She hadn't really said England, had she?  
  
" Brent was offered a job there and he wanted to take it. I love him. I'd follow him to the ends of the earth. When you love someone you would travel any distance for them."  
  
It was with those words that I knew there was no getting her back.   
  
But I could always move to England.  
  
  
3 Days Before the Wedding...  
  
I'm lying on the couch. Scully invited me to her wedding, but I told her I couldn't come. I knew I hurt her when I said that, but she had hurt me.   
  
No, she had killed me. There was no way I would then go and watch her happily walk down the aisle, and marry someone else. People are supposed to cry at weddings out of joy. I would be crying tears of betrayal and pain.   
  
So I decided to drink. Drink and drink, drink the pain away. Feel nothing.  
  
I don't know for how long I was out, but when I came to I was on the floor of a bar, a puddle of something foul smelling next to me.  
  
My own throw up. Immediately, I was shamed for doing such a thing, but I was also grateful that someone had turned me onto my stomach so I wouldn't have drowned.   
  
Actually, I could have thrown a rock at that person. I had wanted death, and now I would have to do it myself.  
  
It would all end tomorrow night. 2 days before the wedding. 2 Days before my fate. If I die first, I won't face that pain.  
  
  
  
2 Days Before the Wedding....  
  
"Hi, Scully...Dana. I-I'm calling to tell you...you that this is t-the last time you'll h-hear from me. I wanted you to know, that...I love you. I-I always have. I've just been too damn blind to see it. I love you so much and Brent is a nice guy. I hope you're happy with him." Click.  
  
"You have 1 message,"  
  
  
  
  
  
Scully POV:  
" Brent, its 11:21. I'm relaxing. It's late." I was lying in my bed, trying to get some quality sleep. Brent was to be home by morning and we would have little time to finish everything up before the Big Day.  
  
" Sorry, Danes. I'm at the airport, now. I'll be home in about a half-an-hour, okay?" I could hear other people behind him.  
  
" I'll probably be asleep by the time you get home. Yeah, okay, love you, bye." I hung up harder than I meant to. I turned over and slunk down into the soft comforter, closing my eyes, I fell into a nice sleep.  
  
  
  
Brent POV:   
" Shoot!" I tiptoed through the apartment door, knowing Dana was asleep. I didn't want to wake her.  
  
The door had creaked. Luckily, I know Dana can sleep through a lot.  
  
A red light flashed from the answering machine. I tiptoed over and turned down the volume before playing the messages.   
  
"Hi, Scully...Dana. I-I'm calling to tell you...you that this is t-the last time you'll h-hear from me. I wanted you to know that...I love you. I-I always have. I've just been too damn blind to see it. I love you so much and Brent is a nice guy. I hope you're happy with him."  
  
I stopped. Why was Mulder acting like the world was ending? I knew it was Mulder. He had a distinctive voice. But this whole 'I'll never see you again' thing?  
  
" Shit! Dana!" I called out to her, realizing what Mulder had done.   
  
Suicide.  
  
  
Mulder's Apartment....  
  
Scully POV:  
" He wouldn't have...he would have talked to me first...he's probably fine and we'll just go home...." I was muttering things, not really paying attention to what I was saying. What had Mulder meant? Brent had played the message, but Mulder was the psychologist, not me. How would I know what he was thinking?  
  
" Dana, we have to check on him..."  
  
" You think I don't know that!" I snapped at him. From the look in his eyes I knew that had shocked and even hurt him. I was hurting everyone around me.  
  
Like a disease.  
  
Brent held me back as he opened the door. Wanting to see if everything was okay first.   
  
It wasn't.  
  
" Oh, my god, Dana..." his voice had lowered to a whisper. He didn't want me to see.  
  
"What is it?" I felt small tears in the corners of my eyes, fearing the worst. Knowing the worst.   
  
I knew, Mulder would never be there anymore. Never there in his office chair, never there in his apartment, other than now. Only now was different.  
  
I pushed Brent out of the way and saw if. Blood. On the carpet, and on the body.  
  
Mulder's body. Dead.  
  
" Oh my god..." I held my hand over my mouth as a sob climbed through my throat and was let out. I ran over.  
  
" Dana..." He held me, comforting me.  
  
I didn't want comfort. I wanted Mulder.  
  
" Let me go!" I pushed him away as I leaned over Mulder's body. " He can't be gone...this has happened before, it's not real...not real..."  
  
" Dana, he's gone."  
  
" NO!" I choked back another sob, not letting another escape. " He's NOT gone!" I motioned for him to leave. " Leave me alone."   
  
" But..." He gave me a look of hurt, pain in my pushing him away like this. Pain I had seen before.   
  
Only then it had been in Mulder's eyes.   
  
  
  
1 Day Before the Wedding...  
  
Mulder's funeral was the same day as my wedding. That's what made me the most pissed off of all. I had touched my inner bitch and was becoming the Ice Queen once more.   
  
" Dana, please... come out of there." Brent coaxed me. I didn't move.  
  
" Leave me alone." I hugged my knees tighter. The last few hours since my life ended had been spent hugging my knees, in a ball, rocking back and forth on the toilet seat.  
  
Brent had tried to be caring, tried to understand, but he couldn't. Mulder understood me, Mulder had loved me. I loved him, but was too blind and stupid for it. I thought I loved Brent. He's a nice friend and everything, but Mulder was the only person I could have ever loved.  
  
And he was gone. With so many things I needed to tell him.   
  
I had loved him, I had cared about him, I would have given my life for him. So I will. I'll give my life.   
  
For him.  
  
"Dana, are you okay?" I ignored Brent as I walked over to the sink and started the water. It would end now. This charade that I loved Brent, this play that I didn't feel for Mulder, over.  
  
Now.  
  
I take a razor to my wrist, the pain goes unfelt. I've felt worse pain.  
  
" Please, Dana, come out..."  
  
Up my vein, watching it split as a thin line of velvety blood spills, then more. Falling onto the carpet, I don't care.   
  
Now the pain is biting into me, I do feel it. End this faster....  
  
I rip the razor up my vein, fast, crying out. It hurt. More than I had thought it would. But it'll be over soon. Soon....  
  
My vision is becoming blurry as I lie down on the small rug. Over any second now.....  
  
" Dana!"   
  
I loved you, too Mulder...  
__________________________________  
  
Please review. Heavy stuff, huh? I'm just kinda like that. Weird. 


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